If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.

Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going.

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.

The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.

If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.

Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.

It's a good thing that when God created the rainbow he didn't consult a decorator or he would still be picking colors.

You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.

Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.

We may not always see eye to eye, but we can try to see heart to heart.

It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'

Nearly' only counts in horseshoes and hand-grenades.

Altogether, I can't imagine technology replacing bookstores completely, any more than movies about a country replace going there.

Don't try to be a jack of all investments. Stick to the field you know best.

It was Frederick Douglass, John Brown, Harriet Tubman, Wendell Phillips - these were the people who made abolition real. Now, none of you guys is in favor of slavery, right?

Life is sad, life is a bust, all you can do is do what you must.

I've made peace with insecurity... because there is no security of any kind.

Laws and traditions that hold back women, hold back entire societies.

Because good writing in a TV cartoon is so rare, I think the animation on The Simpsons is often overlooked.

I believe that teachers committed to the community are the ones who deserve to earn the top dollar, a starting salary of a quarter million dollars a year.

The death rate is the same for us as for anybody ... one person, one death, sooner or later.