If anything can survive the probe of humour it is clearly of value, and conversely all groups who claim immunity from laughter are claiming special privileges which should not be granted.

I believe in the separation of church and planet.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours.

A lot has been said about politics; some of it complimentary, but most of it accurate

Learn to trust yourself. That's very vital. ... Just stand with yourself. Remember, in his lifetime, Van Gogh sold only two paintings. I personally sold even fewer.

Life doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point out that it doesn't make sense, and that it doesn't make much difference anyway.

Life is a comedy when watching and a tragedy when experiencing. I try and share anything I have.

Life took over 4 billion years to evolve into you, and you've about 70 more years to enjoy it. Don't just pursue happiness, catch it.

Never do things for money. It's always the things you do for love that turn out to pay the best.

Life has a very simple plot: first you're here and then you're not.

I've got soggy thighs. It must be dinner time.

No place is ugly to those who understand the virtues and sweetness of everything that God has made.

Men who attain great heights always have few friends but many admirers, while those who ply the lower reaches of fortune often have many friends but scarcely an admirer in sight

I can't say I was ever lost but I was bewildered once for three days.

STARTLING & INVENTIVE...This is not a movie that lets go of you easily.

The Cold War was a war, and we won it.

Every girl is a goddess.

I love him whose soul is so overfull that he forgetteth himself, and all things are in him: thus all things become his down-going.

You can't exist in this world with such strong likes and dislikes.

We have a strange and wonderful relationship - he's strange and I'm wonderful.

I want to express myself in a different way. I have a performing inclination.