If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose, then I'm crazy. That's the way history is written.

I don't like lollipops.

Artemis Fowl will never be secondary." "I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?" said Holly.

Butler could kill you a hundred different ways without use of his armoury. Though I'm sure one would be quite sufficient.

I hear that you were on a date with Trouble Kelp. Are you two planning on building a bivouac any time soon?

Either that boy is the sanest creature on Earth, he thought, or he is so disturbed that our tests cannot even begin to scratch the surface.

Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?" Artemis blinked. "Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity.

Butler was seeing the world as it was, complete with L.E.P retrival team

Being in command means making tough decisions. Not being in command means shutting up and doing what you're told. --Artemis Fowl

I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.

It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.

Success is where preparation and opportunity meet.

There is power in prayer. When men work, they work. but when men pray, God works.

We don't like mystery. You like mystery, 'cause it's not a mystery to you; you know when you're gonna get laid.

When he said we were trying to make a fool of him, I could only murmur that the Creator had beat us to it.

Oh! Single, my dear, to be sure! A single man of large fortune; four or five thousand a year. What a fine thing for our girls!

When I'm not working, I definitely I like waking up at noon.

We need more young women who love sports even when their boyfriend/husband isn't making them watch!

I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.

This is a boyhood dream, but I've always wanted to play the sheriff. I've wanted to be in a Western, in the hat, playing the sheriff.

Argument weak; speak loudly!