If I don't eat soon, I'll die of hunger; and if I die, I won't eat soon.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?

We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times -- always with the same person.

He thinks things through too much.

Curb your senses and your mind and see the Lord within your heart.

A bad strategy will fail no matter how good your information is. And lame execution will stymie a good strategy. If you do enough things poorly, you'll go out of business.

I like doing stand-up and I love putting out TV specials. I'm not an actor though, so I don't really have much choice in the matter.

Imagine for a moment that you were God. Not God as a man or woman, but God as the awareness of all life. To be that in physical form is to be an enlightened person.

For summer there, bear in mind, is a loitering gossip, that only begins to talk of leaving when September rises to go.

The world is simple, I think, in its essence. Life, death, love, hate. Desire, fulfillment. Magic.

My turn shall also come: I sense the spreading of a wing.

Black is like the silence of the body after death, the close of life.