I was not a jock in high school. I know, you're shocked.

I wish I had played team sports. I think every kid should. Teamwork builds character - teaches people about leadership and cooperation.

One Christmas my father kept our tree up till March. He hated to see it go. I loved that.

I love Christmas. Frosty the Snowman, peace on Earth and mangers, Salvation Army bell ringers and reindeer, the movie 'Meet Me in St. Louis,' office parties and cookies.

Politicians who wear little tennis socks with the balls at the back should not be taken seriously.

Homemade sweaters are always itchy.

Hypocrisy is great fodder for comedy.

I know a lot about a few things - mostly useless things.

It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues if there is some dissent, some conflict.

Christmas is a stocking stuffed with sugary goodness.

One could say, that #‎ Masons were raised right.

When love is not madness it is not love.

Make money, we are no longer in barter system. If you don’t want it, then donate it, but MAKE IT!!!!

I wish you did return my regard, " he said. "More than I have ever wished anything in my life! Perhaps you may yet learn to do so: I should warn you that I don't easily despair!

If someone comes to you with, 'It's my kid's graduation, ' you don't tell them, 'Sorry, you can't go to that.' You just don't do that. You figure out some other way.

It doesn't matter who likes you or doesn't like you, all that matters is that God likes you. He accepts you, he approves of you.

Like I said, all comedy is based on exaggeration, big or small, whatever you can get away with.

Large Professor, none greater none fresher, Won't fold under pressure...grew up down the road from Fran Drescher.

Nature made the day for exercise, work and seeing to one's business; and ... it provides us with a candle, which is to say the bright and joyous light of the sun.

If God told Rick Perry, Michelle Bachmann, and Herman Cain to run for president, then God obviously wants Barack Obama to win.

Do not cherish suffering. Don't act like a fool. Don't think that your suffering is going to accelerate your spiritual progress.