Politicians who wear little tennis socks with the balls at the back should not be taken seriously.

I wish I had played team sports. I think every kid should. Teamwork builds character - teaches people about leadership and cooperation.

One Christmas my father kept our tree up till March. He hated to see it go. I loved that.

I love Christmas. Frosty the Snowman, peace on Earth and mangers, Salvation Army bell ringers and reindeer, the movie 'Meet Me in St. Louis,' office parties and cookies.

Homemade sweaters are always itchy.

Hypocrisy is great fodder for comedy.

I know a lot about a few things - mostly useless things.

It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues if there is some dissent, some conflict.

Christmas is a stocking stuffed with sugary goodness.

One could say, that #‎ Masons were raised right.

I'm in fact a hair under six feet, but I'm very svelte. People would never see me if I turned sideways.

Between roars the lion purrs.

It isn't enough just to scream at the Occupy Wall Street demonstrations. We need our political system to start reflect this anger back into, 'How do we fix it? How do we get the economy going again?'

I'm not sick, Deuce. You don't know your own charm." My charm? I hadn't been aware I had any. It must be the dress, I thought.

Stand-up comedy is still a very male-dominated world. You look at a set list and maybe there's one woman on there.

I'm into creating something that I've never created before.

We all know grandparents whose values transcend passing fads and pressures, and who possess the wisdom of distilled pain and joy.

This is when I realize that Anna has already left the table, and more importantly, that nobody noticed.

If you have someone equal in ability to me I will beat him every time because I will try harder.

I did but see her passing by and yet I love her till I die.

The universe is but one vast Symbol of God.