I was an ugly baby. On my birth certificate there was a listing for Probable Cause.

I was going to buy a copy of "The Power of Positive Thinking", and then I thought: What good would that do?

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.

I always wanted to be the last guy on Earth, just to see if all those women were lying to me.

A lot of people wonder how you can tell if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this question: 'Would I mind being financially destroyed by this person?'

I spend money with reckless abandon. Last month I blew $5000 at a reincarnation. I got to thinking, what the hell, you only live once!

Where there's a will there's a dead person.

Relationships give us a reason to live. Revenge.

I like life. It's something to do.

Wist ye not that I must be about my Father's business ?

Science and art belong to the whole world and before them vanish the barriers of nationality.

The crown could go to a person with the most talent. But how could ‘most talent’ be determined? So Indian society settled on age.

The truth is, I feel beyond sad. I feel empty. Numb.

Being a teenager isn't all that different from being part of someone else's story. There's always someone who thinks they know better than you do

In the book of Gaga, fame is in your heart, fame is there to comfort you, to bring you self-confidence and worth whenever you need it.

Nothing incites to money-crimes like great poverty or great wealth.

I mean, I don't care what Drive-Bys write about local issues and all that. But I'm talking about this kind of stuff, national issues of great importance. I do not believe.

We've still got half of the world that don't know what I look like.

Life isn’t a music player where you choose whats being played, it is a radio where you have to enjoy whats being played.