I've written for the last 15 years on TV shows, but now I'm doing the new Charlie Sheen program, 'Anger Management.'

I do think certain kinds of music can make you violent. Like, when I listen to Nickelback, it makes me want to kill Nickelback.

I've been trying to quit smoking weed and it's really hard quitting pot. It was actually easier to become a vegetarian because your friends never show up at your house with a sack of beef.

Metal is the feeling of being an outsider, but still being part of something huge.

I was such a nerd in high school, I didn't even have imaginary friends, I had imaginary bullies.

Because I go outside sometimes, I'm exposed to terrible, terrible music in public.

Good comedy makes you laugh, and bad comedy makes people you hate laugh.

I like any big city. I like any place where you can see a guy with a pants-full of pooh fighting a ghost.

I also smoke a lot of pot, occasionally, every day.

My act is pretty much me reflecting on what I want to talk about and what I think is funny and what has happened to me.

As a comic, I used to know more about pop culture.

A second advantage of static factory methods is that, unlike constructors, they are not required to create a new object each time they're invoked.

At first, dreams seem impossible, then improbable, and eventually inevitable.

The Devill is not alwaies at one doore.

I know I'm on a small cable reality show. I'm realistic where I stand in the scheme of things.

A truly English protest march would see us all chanting: 'What do we want? GRADUAL CHANGE! When do we want it? IN DUE COURSE!

The land promised to Abraham and his descendants is once again theirs. God always keeps His promises. Even in times of cataclysmic upheaval and change, God's love and faithfulness are unchanging.

It's better to be angry without paying for gold than to be angry after you paid.

I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook. It enables me to talk to readers from all over the world, but it also makes it far too easy to waste huge amounts of time.

Most men of business think "Anyhow this system will probably last my time. It has gone on a long time, and is likely to go on still.

Hookers don't like to snuggle.