I've been trying to quit smoking weed and it's really hard quitting pot. It was actually easier to become a vegetarian because your friends never show up at your house with a sack of beef.

I do think certain kinds of music can make you violent. Like, when I listen to Nickelback, it makes me want to kill Nickelback.

Metal is the feeling of being an outsider, but still being part of something huge.

I was such a nerd in high school, I didn't even have imaginary friends, I had imaginary bullies.

Because I go outside sometimes, I'm exposed to terrible, terrible music in public.

Good comedy makes you laugh, and bad comedy makes people you hate laugh.

I like any big city. I like any place where you can see a guy with a pants-full of pooh fighting a ghost.

I also smoke a lot of pot, occasionally, every day.

My act is pretty much me reflecting on what I want to talk about and what I think is funny and what has happened to me.

As a comic, I used to know more about pop culture.

Metal is easily my favorite thing - Exodus and Anthrax and Megadeth - so it just kind of organically came through in the standup act.

I've always had this idea that I wanted movies to make people better not worse.

Remember, they've never seen you before in their life.

I hope we've got a lot of fairways and greens. We'll go from there.

No one ever wants to see his or her name linked to anything bad. Conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can.

Into a dancer you have grown from the seeds somebody else has sown.

It dawned upon me that fasting could be made as powerful a weapon of indulgence as of restraint

Everything you agree to do is other things you can't do

You need nothing to be happy - you need something to be sad.

Seek to create change in your life not because something is 'wrong' ? but because it no longer makes an accurate statement of 'who you are'.

The Ukrainian opposition should adopt democratic unity as its main principle, and it also must have one leader.