I've known Chevy Chase for so long, I actually knew him when he was funny!

What am I grateful for? Aside from my own great life, you mean? I'm just grateful that my wife, and daughter, and dogs are all healthy.

If you tell a lie that's big enough, and you tell it often enough, people will believe you're telling the truth, even if what you're saying is total crap.

The truth will set you free...unless you want to know the truth about who killed JFK.

Anybody who thinks there's not a vast right-wing conspiracy in this country must also think that Ken Starr should be our next ambassador to Luxembourg.

It's this patronizing thing that people have about if you're against the war everyone's lumped together. You know, the soldiers are not scholars, they're not war experts.

Civil liberties, good. Lawyers, bad.

Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back.

Please don't die.

And for once a band of thieves in ripped up jeans got to rule the world

Man is a knot a web a mesh into which relationships are tied. Only those relationships matter.

God prefers bad verses recited with a pure heart to the finest verses chanted by the wicked.

Words of love, are works of love.

If you help someone, you may create a customer for life.

Wilderness is a necessity... there must be places for human beings to satisfy their souls.

Creative innovation requires knowing something. You can't just be a monkey throwing paint on a canvas. It's the 10,000-hour rule: You need to know something well enough to make something new.

The hypocrite takes good advice as an insult.

Alexander knew that before he had light instead of darkness, he had to deserve light instead of darkness.