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Cynical Humor Quotes

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Cynical Humor Quotes: "I never feel unsafe except for when the majority is on my side."

I never feel unsafe except for when the majority is on my side.



Cynical Humor Quotes: "They tugged plans and ambitions out their as*es and held tight to the first that didn't smell so strongly of shit."

They tugged plans and ambitions out their as*es and held tight to the first that didn't smell so strongly of shit.




Cynical Humor Quotes: "Children throw tantrums because they've imagined their 'father in heaven' does so. And because, their inherited religious book has, in written, shown them so."

Children throw tantrums because they've imagined their 'father in heaven' does so. And because, their inherited religious book has, in written, shown them so.



Cynical Humor Quotes: "Belief is a wonderful way to pass the time until the facts come in."

Belief is a wonderful way to pass the time until the facts come in.




Cynical Humor Quotes: "alcohol played the midwife"

alcohol played the midwife



Cynical Humor Quotes: "Billions of years before twelve step groups, God committed shotgun suicide. Today wall scrapings share His gratitude stories."

Billions of years before twelve step groups, God committed shotgun suicide. Today wall scrapings share His gratitude stories.



Cynical Humor Quotes: "If I were married, I would be unmarried."

If I were married, I would be unmarried.




Cynical Humor Quotes: "Our town was known for two things--no, three: salted fish, expertly dyed fabrics, and corruption."

Our town was known for two things--no, three: salted fish, expertly dyed fabrics, and corruption.



Cynical Humor Quotes: "If by ‘foe’ you mean a brutal killer, then I suppose I’d fall into the ‘friend’ category, ” I replied cynically. “Although in your case, we may have to find a secret option number three."

If by ‘foe’ you mean a brutal killer, then I suppose I’d fall into the ‘friend’ category, ” I replied cynically. “Although in your case, we may have to find a secret option number three.



Cynical Humor Quotes: "I do not want to sound cynical or condescending, but your lips are moving, your mind unbending."

I do not want to sound cynical or condescending, but your lips are moving, your mind unbending.



Cynical Humor Quotes: "So, your god is the only god? Okay, but then, so is my dog."

So, your god is the only god? Okay, but then, so is my dog.



Cynical Humor Quotes: "Just like you silly bums, I have a personal sky god. I bow to him, as you do to your airy-fairy sod. He prefers I call him Mr. NOT."

Just like you silly bums, I have a personal sky god. I bow to him, as you do to your airy-fairy sod. He prefers I call him Mr. NOT.




Cynical Humor Quotes: "I love you all - if you are not people!"

I love you all - if you are not people!



Cynical Humor Quotes: "You still are? There go my plans! And the suit I had bought to attend your funeral. Well, well. Anyway, do call me up when you an't."

You still are? There go my plans! And the suit I had bought to attend your funeral. Well, well. Anyway, do call me up when you an't.



Cynical Humor Quotes: "Of course I love you. For real. I will sure come and personally meet you myself. Just to make sure you're well. When is your funeral?"

Of course I love you. For real. I will sure come and personally meet you myself. Just to make sure you're well. When is your funeral?



Cynical Humor Quotes: "Breslin gives me his wise-teacher smile, which is kind and crinkly and would make me feel warm all over if I was dumber than a bag of hair."

Breslin gives me his wise-teacher smile, which is kind and crinkly and would make me feel warm all over if I was dumber than a bag of hair.



Cynical Humor Quotes: "Has anybody ever told you you’re a remarkably cynical person?”“I like to think of it as learning from experience."

Has anybody ever told you you’re a remarkably cynical person?”“I like to think of it as learning from experience.



Cynical Humor Quotes: "It's nice to be able to do things for other people, isn't it?That's why it's fun to talk in the third person sometimes."

It's nice to be able to do things for other people, isn't it?That's why it's fun to talk in the third person sometimes.



Cynical Humor Quotes: "Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back."

Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back.