I've always thought that parallel parking was my main talent.

I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.

Many Texas barbecue fanatics have a strong belief in the beneficial properties of accumulated grease.

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

The shelf life of the average trade book is somewhere between milk and yogurt.

As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.

Perhaps we've time to have a look at the Number Thirty-One bus queue before we turn in.

I'm in favor of liberalizing immigration because of the effect it would have on restaurants. I'd let just about everybody in except the English.

Every good idea sooner or later degenerates into hard work.

Did you know that five out of three people have trouble with fractions.

I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

Feel, he told himself, feel, feel, feel. Even if what you feel is pain, only let yourself feel.

In general men keep their internal lives–and their more complex emotions–closely guarded, because either they don't understand them or they are afraid of being betrayed by them.

The last 16 years of my daddys life, he got to work for me, and that made him his own boss and he like that.

Faith is the realization that God's pleasure in you will never be based upon your performance for him.

Where you stand today does not matter; it is the direction in which your are moving, and the rate at which you travel, that count.

I did Chekhov's Three Sisters once. Two months in, I remember going, "Human beings shouldn't be forced to do or watch this play every night." It's so dark and so bottomless.

There's a magical part of it (writing obituaries), too, which is you're trying to breathe life back into someone who has just died. You're trying to conjure them up.

The best argument is an undeniably good book.

It's a pity that Milosevic did not live through the trial and get his deserved sentence.

If you go to Paris you know more about reality than people who don't. If you smoke DMT you know more about reality than people who don't.