I used to have a drug problem, but now I have enough money.

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.

I would just like to say that after all these years of heavy drinking, bright lights and late nights, I still don't need glasses. I drink right out of the bottle.

If you subtracted all of the great artists who never drank, who never went to excess, you wouldn't have any more art left. What kind of poem are you gonna get out of a glass of iced tea?

The perfect woman has an IQ of 150, wants to make love until 4 in the morning, then turns into a pizza!

When I die, sprinkle my ashes over the 80's.

I'm not conceited. Conceit is a fault and I have no faults.

Remember, life is just a game and no one gets out alive

If you want to split a bottle with a friend, then Sammy Hagar is your guy. If you want to split your friend with a bottle than give me a call.

If you put a Van Halen album in your record collection, it will melt all the rest of your records.

When we were that young we invented the world, no one could tell us a thing.

With the first drink comes the truth, with the second drink comes wishful thinking, and with the third drink come the lies.

Elections have to have at least a little meaning. Obama ran on income tax hikes for the wealthy. People knew they were voting for that. They want that. And it's good policy.

Wonderful. What's the point of throwing a hissy fit without friends and family on hand to hear it?" -Amy Cahill

What can any one person do?' he said. 'Each person does a little something,' I said, 'and there you are.

I know some good old gals in their 50s and 60s. All these women tell me, 'Forty to 50. Those are the hot times.' So far, you couldn't prove it by me. But hell, I'm only two years in.

There is no place in the world, I imagine, for a philosopher with a sense of humor, a new leisure, and an inquiring turn of mind!

One of the keys to focus, and why I said cofounders that aren't friends really struggle, is that you can't be focused without good communication.

Nobody, especially Vince McMahon, tells Stone Cold Steve Austin what to do, and that's the bottom line!

Where does one go from a world of insanity? Somewhere on the other side of despair.