I'm still proud of a lot of my jokes when I started.

We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear.

You know what the worst part about my drinking is? When I'm drunk I slur. You know, like I say racial slurs. Wow, nobody likes that at a barbeque.

I have an excuse, actually, why I've been drinking so much. I haven't said this out loud yet - this is exciting - I'm drinking for two. Thank you, wow. I mean, just for now. Somebody's being evicted.

I finally just slept with my high school crush. But I swear; now he expects me to go to his graduation - like I know where I'm going to be in three years.

Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?'

Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty.

Everyone is allowed to have their own boundaries. You just are. No matter how you dress, no matter what you say or anything, and I feel strongly about that.

I made out with a homeless guy by accident. I had no idea -- he was really tan, he had no shoes on. I just thought it was, like, his thang, you know? I was like, 'He's probably in a band.

I say if I'm beautiful. I say if I'm strong. You will not determine my story - I will.

I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping this one.'

The heavenly Father foreknew the future.

Self acceptance is pure power.

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about and that is not being talked about.

Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid.

The strange anthropological lesson of social media is that human beings, if given a choice, often prefer to socialize alone.

Greed has no boundaries

You are what you eat, but eventually you become what eats you.

Daily toil, however humble it may be, is our daily duty, and by doing it well, we make it a part of our daily worship.

I think it's really important with kids just to show them the beauty of nature and teach them a profound respect for nature.

Once I realized that the only thing I can actually control in this life is my own mind, how I choose to react, feel, and perceive, I felt immediately liberated.