I finally just slept with my high school crush. But I swear; now he expects me to go to his graduation - like I know where I'm going to be in three years.

We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear.

You know what the worst part about my drinking is? When I'm drunk I slur. You know, like I say racial slurs. Wow, nobody likes that at a barbeque.

I have an excuse, actually, why I've been drinking so much. I haven't said this out loud yet - this is exciting - I'm drinking for two. Thank you, wow. I mean, just for now. Somebody's being evicted.

Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?'

Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty.

Everyone is allowed to have their own boundaries. You just are. No matter how you dress, no matter what you say or anything, and I feel strongly about that.

I made out with a homeless guy by accident. I had no idea -- he was really tan, he had no shoes on. I just thought it was, like, his thang, you know? I was like, 'He's probably in a band.

I say if I'm beautiful. I say if I'm strong. You will not determine my story - I will.

I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping this one.'

My mom made me think I was gorgeous. When I was younger she was like, 'Look at you! You're an angel. You sparkle!' And I was like, 'I do!' You believe your parents.

I must write it all out, at any cost. Writing is thinking. It is more than living, for it is being concious of living.

I have ever held it as a maxim never to do that through another which it was possible for me to execute myself.

We are more heavily invested in the theories of failure than we are in the theories of success.

Try first to be a man of value; success will follow.

We should not so much esteem our poverty as a misfortune, were it not that the world treats it so much as a crime

It’s a moment I’ll remember forever, because it belongs to me.

No matter how great you are, the next great one is already sitting there waiting to take your place.

Democrats - always standing up for what they later realize they should have believed in.

The older I get, the more I become an apple pie, sparkling cider kind of guy.

Somebody is always reflectively monkeying with some of the parts of an infinite universe - monkeying as distinct from aping.