I'm a writer. I write checks. They're not very good.

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

I go running when I have to. When the ice cream truck is doing sixty.

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.

Is there a doctor in the house? My parents want me to marry you.

I just got my first bikini. It's a three-piece: a top, a botton, and a blindfold for you.

I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn't want to go, because I've put on like a hundred pounds.

I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because the water is cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know that?

My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.

I don't think I was funny until college. I lived with some Harvard MD/PhD students - they were so smart, and what I contributed to the house was, I was the funny one.

My hope is my joy.

Life works with balance. If you give and receive out of giving, you create a balance with life. You serve life, before you expect life to serve you.

In freedom you form in utter disgrace, the bars of my prison this night.While you drift on currents of seraphim heights, it is I who deserve to take flight.

The woman is so hard Upon the woman.

I love the medium and I love individual comics, but the business is nothing I would be proud of.

The stage is like a cage of light. People are no longer afraid of you - they are the ones out there in the dark, watching.

Peace of mind is another way of saying that you've learned how to love, that you have come to appreciate the importance of giving love in order to be worthy of receiving it.

There are times when you just have to let it all out. All the anger, all the pain.

The liberal uses the radical's language to achieve the conservative's aim: the preservation of the capitalist system, and the traditional ethnic/racial hierarchy within society.

When you encounter sophistication in the creation of a female character, you thank the writers and you claim it.