I'll pick "I'm kidding" anytime over "I'm lying."

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

Call attention to your strengths instead of pointing out your weaknesses.

Wondering is a positive madness.

If dirt was trumps what hands you would hold!

A decision once taken brings peace to a man's mind and eases his soul.

I always feel the movement is a sort of mosaic. Each of us puts in one little stone, and then you get a great mosaic at the end.

I haven't lost a war. No one got killed. I just lost a tennis match.

Agency presupposes choice.

But in the end, music is ultimately an aural art, pure and simple.

There are occasions on which all apology is rudeness.

Mindfulness of the body is awareness of... the taste and smell of this moment.