I lived with a guy who had OCD and I used to put Rice Krispies in his slippers before I went out. He went mental, but not before he counted them all.

Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!'

Music's the best thing we do as humans, isn't it? Music, I mean you flail your limbs, make you move in a way you don't understand. Or it can make you weep like a sailor's wife staring at a storm.

Are you recycling? Are you!? You just killed a polar bear! YOU!

Kids did really well in their A levels, how do we respond? 'A Levels are getting easier, in my day you had to do fifty questions in a minute, if you got one wrong, they killed your dad!

Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!'

The last time I saw African kids this excited, Madonna was at their school with a net.

'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're a monster!'

I've never said flange to a monkey!

When you're three, you're into custard, and jumping.

From the makers of Alien vs. Predator: Alien vs. Pingu. K9 - stop humping the toaster!

Hell is the incapacity to be other than the creature one finds oneself ordinarily behaving as.

I understand that if you're a kid in Indonesia, you need to smoke because you just got off work at the Nike factory.

I don't like begging money from producers.

Stop stewing and start doing!

Avoid giving invitations to bores - they will come without.

When I die, I hope they don't cremate me 'cuz I'll burn forever.

I know from the past, critics often say my films don't have any plot, that kind of thing. I'm used to being told, "Yeah, it's slow and has no plot."

Omelets are not made without breaking eggs.

The understanding of fear cures fear.

The natural scientist must be a modern materialist, a conscious adherent of the materialism represented by Marx, i.e., he must be a dialectical materialist.