I like to edit; I like to work with other people, and that's something stand-up doesn't really have.

I think comedians start off as pranksters or something.

A pope going through a faith crisis would be funny to see.

My doctor told me i had Attention Deficit Disorder. He said, 'ADD is a complex disorder, blah, blah, blah,' I didn't pay attention to the rest.

I have a swastika tattoo on my arm, but it's just because I like right-hand turns.

I think a bird is the worst present you can give somebody because it's guilt-ridden. This animal has the gift of flight, and you put it in a cage and watch it not do that until it dies.

I love doing different things where, for a little while, I can focus on standup then sketch writing, then performing, then directing a video. That, to me, is stimulating.

Very specifically, Nickelodeon is aimed at eight- and nine-year-olds.

Every year, dads will dress up as Santa and try to surprise their kids by coming down the chimney, and every year, a dad gets stuck and dies.

My big influences are piano artists like Billy Joel and Elton John.

Relations were never good (how comfortable can you really be with a race that sees you as a nutritious part of a complete breakfast).

We parked our bikes on verges so they could graze.

I don't think there's really any difference between art - or writing, or music - and magic. And I particularly draw the link between magic and writing. I think that they are profoundly connected.

A man does not exist until he is drunk.

It doesn't matter whether we live in the 19th or 21st centuries; we face the same basic problems that everyone who lives between the Fall and the return of Christ faces.

Natural fact is, I can't pay my taxes. Make me wanna holler and throw up on my hands.

People say 'follow in the footsteps' but I always find that a strange expression because what you want to do is forge your own path, so to speak.

Joshua didn't say choose you next year whom you will serve; he spoke of "this day," while there is still daylight and before the darkness becomes more and more normal.

We live in such a sheltered environment in the United States. I've been fortunate enough to have traveled all over the world, and I've seen things you only read about and see on the news.

It is human nature that rules the world, not governments and regimes.