I have a hard time writing. Most writers have a hard time writing. I have a harder time than most because I'm lazier than most. I don't want to brag, but I'm the laziest person I have ever known.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

My favorite animal is steak.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

What good were special talents when there was no one to share them with?

In daily life, reality gives us material incentives to restrain our irrationality. But what incentive do we have to think rationally about politics?

I refuse not to have a sense of humour.

We're all basically made of the same stuff: generosity and selfishness, goodness and greed.

I don't think I'm an instantaneous act the whole world will love in one second - but that's how I've felt about bands I love.

The bible is a remarkable fountain: the more one draws and drinks of it, the more it stimulates thirst.

All things that a man owns hold him far more than he holds them.

Adventure is a sign of incompetence.