I got girls that can cook, I got girls that can clean, I got girls that'll do anything between.

If you mind your own business, you'll stay busy all the time.

Some high society lady said is your horse outside? No ma'am, he's between my legs, but your too fat to ride.

Somewhere between raising hell and amazing grace, Lord I know just how they feel.

We say grace and we say ma'am. If you ain't in to that, we don't give a damn.

Good friends, good whiskey, and good lovin', I want to thank you Lord.

The greatest of men, they don't get too big to cry. They just loose faith in love and life.

You can do anything that you wanna do, but uh-uh, don't step on my cowboy boots.

My daddy, he was somewhere between God and John Wayne.

Let me sum it up for ya: We got some people who work for a living, and we got some people who vote for a living.

I get whiskey bent and hell bound.

All roads lead to Trantor, and that is where all stars end.

The discovery of a grey hair when you are brushing out your whiskers of a morning - first fallen flake of the coming snows of age - is a disagreeable thing.

When you have a steady job you're more inspired to broaden yourself.

The daily activity that contributes most to happiness is having dinner with friends. The daily activity that detracts most from happiness is commuting. Eat more. Commute less.

The notion that I might have been able to court friends, win attention, conjure it, would have spoiled it for me. Unbidden love was what I wanted.

When somebody mangles one of my jokes, that bothers me more than somebody saying that I'm the worst comedian ever.

Prayer is not a discourse. It is a form of life, the life with God. That is why it is not confined to the moment of verbal statement.

My father always told me I should be a writer, and I found I loved writing my autobiography; writing is such an interesting process.

Night thoughts aren't to be trusted.

There's seldom as much hurry as I used to think there was.