Hannibal Buress Quotes

I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant...because I believe in myself.

When people go through something rough in life, they say, "I'm taking it one day at a time." Yes, so is everybody. Because that's how time works.

I like burritos more than Jesus because steak burritos are delicious. And they're real.

I applied for a job at Starbucks. One of the questions was, 'Why do you want to work at Starbucks?' Uh, because my life is in shambles.

I have weird aspirations. Like, I really want to kick a pigeon.

I want to just at least make it weird for you to watch Cosby Show reruns.

Don't thank the lord, I gave you that compliment... Thank me.

My nephew's always crying. I'm like, 'Dude, why are you crying? Your life is great. All you do is eat apple sauce and take dumps. That's your day.

I don't want to die before Will Smith 'cause then I miss that awesome 'Fresh Prince of Bel-Air' marathon.

Acting is fun; it's easier than writing, and if you get on a [TV] show, it draws people to your stand-up. That's ultimately what I'd like to do.

There have been times I've been out, and my phone battery is at nine percent, and I was like, 'Time to go home.'

In my hometown of Chicago, I'm kind of a medium deal.

'SNL' is the first real job I've held for more than a month and a half.

I'm a dumb guy. My point of view is limited.

If you want to do anything, you got to go do it. Perform a lot, write a lot, make yourself better. Use the Internet, make videos, create content.

I'm not like a super duper sneaker head. I got a couple pairs, but I'm not a "stand in line for sneakers" type of dude.

When somebody mangles one of my jokes, that bothers me more than somebody saying that I'm the worst comedian ever.

I'd like to get more bit-acting roles. I don't know if my talent would allow for a long dialogue, but I could definitely knock out three lines.

I play myself on everything I do.

I've been going up and bombing everywhere. It's great. I love it. It's hilarious.

I love stand-up. I look at it as a way to always stay productive. I couldn't imagine only being an actor or a writer. Because what the hell do I do when I'm not working? Mope?

I smoke occasionally, but it's not a part of my routine. I mean, I don't need it.

You want to grow where you came up so when you move, you get noticed easier. You can grow in New York but it's better to come here already solid to get your reputation quicker.

I feel like comedy is doing well right now because there's so many avenues to be seen. Whether it's through the Internet with social media or web videos and now there's so many networks and TV shows.

We were talking about urban youth. And by urban I mean lives in a city not urban as in black like white people use it.

People like to compare something to something that they know. Even with Chris Rock, they say he's like Richard Pryor or Eddie Murphy.

I didn't audition for 'SNL.' I sent in a tape to 'SNL' the year before I started writing there, but I got the job there through doing stand-up on Fallon.

My dad named me after Hannibal Barca, the Carthaginian general who attacked Rome. But nobody knows about him.

Social media is interesting. It helps me connect with fans. It's immediate. It's a big part of my touring business - getting the word out via Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.

When I'm doing shows I don't need much from a city. All I'm looking for is a good meal and a decent spot to have a couple drinks.

I didn't really get into comedy until a couple months before I started doing comedy.

I don't argue with people... if they say I'm not funny, they're right, for them.

I'm in awful shape. I'm trying to get in better shape. My girlfriend, she's in good shape. She gives me health tips sometimes, like, 'Hannibal, you're going to die.' Stuff like that.

If I ever have downtime, I'm usually sitting in my place playing video games. Or eating sandwiches somewhere, or watching sports some place.