I get whiskey bent and hell bound.

If you mind your own business, you'll stay busy all the time.

Some high society lady said is your horse outside? No ma'am, he's between my legs, but your too fat to ride.

Somewhere between raising hell and amazing grace, Lord I know just how they feel.

We say grace and we say ma'am. If you ain't in to that, we don't give a damn.

Good friends, good whiskey, and good lovin', I want to thank you Lord.

The greatest of men, they don't get too big to cry. They just loose faith in love and life.

You can do anything that you wanna do, but uh-uh, don't step on my cowboy boots.

My daddy, he was somewhere between God and John Wayne.

Let me sum it up for ya: We got some people who work for a living, and we got some people who vote for a living.

I'd love to spit some Beechnut in that dude's eye and shoot him with my ole forty-five.

Every day in New York City is a test. Work hard and pass this test, you get a chocolate cookie. From a strange man on the subway. A man without pants.

What shall I do to be for ever known, And make the age to come my own?

I am not going to talk about patriotism, duty, liberty, and the defense of freedom because that's all dung to a soldier.

Experimenting with drugs, drinking, doing this just enough to be accepted as one of the crowd, but I hated drugs, and I hated the taste of alcohol!

One does not allow the plumbers to decide the temperature, depth and timing of a bath.

You're the only one in control over your golf ball. It's not like tennis: you're hitting a shot and somebody's hitting it back at you.

By some fluke, my folks forgot to ask me the question most crucial to ensuring a lifetime of self-doubt: 'What if you fail?

The world to me was a secret, which I desired to discover; to her it was a vacancy, which she sought to people with imaginations of her own.

I wish I knew all the answers, how to be perfect, attractive and witty. But I'm just a human being with all the regular faults and it seems no matter how hard I try, I can't change that.

Humility is not denying your strengths, humility is being honest about your weaknesses.