I don't profess to be an expert on anything, or have the memory for who ran in 1952. I am an informed American citizen, that's my position.

I keep my stand-up comedy notes in a pile on my desk. I don't organize my act. I keep myself in a state of confusion. It stresses me out, but I prefer creative chaos.

I don't get jealous of people. Jealousy is such a waste of time because you're jealous of them, and they go about their lives and have a wonderful time, so what's the point?

Those flowers were picked by illegal immigrants. And they're not voting for you, b*tch.

Everyone thinks I'm Jewish. I'm not. Last year I got a call: "Happy Hanukkah." I said "Ma, I'm not Jewish."

Madeleine Albright, when you see her, she's not a beautiful woman and she's getting older. But you're saying that woman has gravitas. She knows what she's talking about.

I want to do an intelligent talk show where you have room to breathe...

I don't need a diet pill. I need something that gives you an electric shock when you reach for food.

Statistically, skinny women die younger than fat women. Why? Because fat women are killing them.

Republican Party hasn't been black friendly over the many centuries in this country.

Comedians usually are rooting for the underdog. I mean to take a shot at an underdog I think is really stupid and low and not funny.

Miss Runcible wore trousers and Miles touched up his eye-lashes in the dining-room of the hotel where they stopped for luncheon. So they were asked to leave.

Be positive with every idea surrounding your dreams. Think about the possibility of what you plan to do and approach it with an optimistic action. Stay positively.

It is not the size of our problems but the size of our God that matters most.

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one class of citizens to give to another.

Writing is a totally different brain than directing, at least for me. With writing, you're trying your best to foresee all the problems before they happen. It's more architectural in a weird way.

There haven't been many credible electronic covers records.

Just like a mountain goat climbing very steep and dangerous land to lick salt from the rocks, man also should take high risks to get what he wants!

Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.

I heard words and words full of holes aching.

L, do you know reapers (shinigami) only eat apples?