I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

Reading is my breath.

A great many people, and more all the time, live their entire lives without ever once sleeping out under the stars.

To the dear eye and eloquent tongue, to the soul made of fire, and the character that bends but does not break... I am ever tender and true.

Give but a grain of the heart's rich seed, Confine some under cover, And when love goes, bid him God-speed. And find another lover.

Computers may out think us one day, but as long as people got feelings we'll be better than they are.

Life is a marshmallow, easy to chew but hard to swallow.

[H]istory is a melodrama on the theme of parasitism, characterized by scenes that are exciting or dull, as the case may be, and many a sudden stagetrick.

We can't answer King's assassination with violence. That would be the worst tribute we could pay him.

The state of radio is not great. It's like playing the lottery. The chances of hitting are mind boggling slim.

Ikkaku: Rescue her? How many of you are here? Seven? Maybe eight? Ichigo: Five people and a cat