I don't associate work with feelings of satisfaction. Rather, guilt, frustration, and resentment of people who write better than I do.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

Never think you can convince God through prayer for a blessing. Praying for prosperity is a wrong weapon for war. If prayer could bring money, all intercessors would be billionaires.

Syllables govern the world.

I would recommend the short story form, which is a lot harder to write since you have to be so careful with words, until there is plenty of time to doodle through a novel

Mary, I give you my heart. Always keep it yours. Jesus, Mary, always be my friends. I beg you, let me die rather than be so unfortunate as to commit a single sin.

The talent of turning men into ridicule, and exposing to laughter those one converses with, is the qualification of little ungenerous tempers.

The highest form of leadership is one in which a leader raises up other leaders - not as an accident, but as a result of conscious effort.

My life won't be a series of either/ors - musician or actor, rock or country, straitlaced or rebellious, this or that, yes or no. The real choices in life aren't that simple.

The real act of discovery consists not in finding new lands but in seeing with new eyes. The only adventure that is doomed from the start is the one we do not attempt.

The United States deserves nothing but love and adoration and gold medals left and right and peace prizes left and right, things we never get.

O King, believe not this hard-hearted man!