I do like talk shows. I'm interested in talking to people.

I keep my stand-up comedy notes in a pile on my desk. I don't organize my act. I keep myself in a state of confusion. It stresses me out, but I prefer creative chaos.

I don't get jealous of people. Jealousy is such a waste of time because you're jealous of them, and they go about their lives and have a wonderful time, so what's the point?

Those flowers were picked by illegal immigrants. And they're not voting for you, b*tch.

Everyone thinks I'm Jewish. I'm not. Last year I got a call: "Happy Hanukkah." I said "Ma, I'm not Jewish."

Madeleine Albright, when you see her, she's not a beautiful woman and she's getting older. But you're saying that woman has gravitas. She knows what she's talking about.

I want to do an intelligent talk show where you have room to breathe...

I don't need a diet pill. I need something that gives you an electric shock when you reach for food.

Statistically, skinny women die younger than fat women. Why? Because fat women are killing them.

Republican Party hasn't been black friendly over the many centuries in this country.

Comedians usually are rooting for the underdog. I mean to take a shot at an underdog I think is really stupid and low and not funny.

I never want to be the type of person remembered for vanity or materialism

The fate of animals is of far greater importance to me than the fear of appearing ridiculous.

Right expectations, from the right people at the right time, that’s the art of expecting.

Cute is when a person's personality shines through their looks. Like in the way they walk, every time you see them you just want to run up and hug them.

Oh, I get a little tired now and then, but knowing my lifestyle, that's only natural.

When we have money, we start making mistakes.

There are lots of people who cannot think seriously without injuring their minds.

The people who cast the votes decide nothing; the people who count the votes decide everything.

Glamour is something you can't bear to be without once you're used to it.

Means are ends in the making