I always felt that it was easier to take a funny person and teach them to write television than to take somebody who was a television writer and make them funny.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

Half the world's starving; the other half is trying to lose weight.

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.

I call myself a 'domestic goddess.

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?

I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.

Unchecked Corporate power leads to tyranny just like unchecked Government power.

There was a dazzling intellect beneath the girl's sadness, she was sure - and it bothered Mallory to no end that it might go wasted on the world if Dawn could not be coaxed out of her melancholy.

Money differs from an automobile or mistress in being equally important to those who have it and those who do not.

But whether or not you are here, you are here—because these words are for you, and they wouldn't exist if you weren't here in some way.

Every decade has a completely different sound not just musically but vocally.

People generally quarrel because they cannot argue.

The child is a realist in every domain of thought, and it is therefore natural that in the moral sphere he should lay more stress on the external, tangible element than on the hidden motive.

& I'm all up all up all up in the bank with the funny face

A totalitarian dictatorship cannot explain; it can only suppress.