Home is heaven and orgies are vile, But I like an orgy, once in a while.

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, were it not for making living, which is rather a nouciance.

The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Behold the Zebra on the plains, And shudder at his mighty manes!

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

There are no proofs. There are only agreements

It sometimes happens that pleasure blows anywhere it damn well chooses.

Every day is a good day when you run.

Yet the Teaching is simple. Do what is right. Be pure. At the end of the way is freedom.

...the only thing that continues is the consequences of our action.

When I'm at work, I'm remembering what I forgot to do for the kids, and when I'm with the kids, I'm remembering what I forgot to do at work.

Let's be honest - Bill Murray was onto something when he laughed at Andie MacDowell's degree in 19th century French poetry in 'Groundhog Day'.

Topology is the science of fundamental pattern and structural relationships of event constellations.

You are one freaking awesome baboon.

Our life is a gymnasium of desire.... When Christians say "God," what do we wish to express? This word is all that we yearn for."