Football is American; why are the Romans numering our bowls?!

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

While those who continuously get themselves the supply of growth, smile through life.

I can be a better me than anyone can

Saying of the ProphetHelping othersI order you to assist any oppressed person, whether he is a Muslim or not.

If you're a fan of my work and I'm a fan of your work, it just seems logical for us to work on something together.

Success equals goals; all else is commentary

At sunset we are rattling through the streets of the little town of Cordova.

I enjoy research; in fact research is so engaging that it would be easy to go on for years, and never write the novel at all.

We are all alike, on the inside.

When a chivalrous man makes an oath, he is faithful to it, and when he attains power, he spares his enemy.

The state of radio is not great. It's like playing the lottery. The chances of hitting are mind boggling slim.