First off, I am 35 years old, I am divorced, and I live in a van down by the river.

In the land of the skunk the man with half a nose is king!

I'm just dandy, I got a bowl of chocolate pudding in my underpants!

I have what doctors call a little bit of a weight problem.

Basically, I only play one character; I just play him at different volumes.

Brothers don't shake hands. Brothers gotta hug.

I want to live fast and die young.

I live in a VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER.

Once I thought that if I just had enough in the bank, if I had enough fame, that it would be all right. But I'm a human being like everyone else. I'm not exempt.

The point is, how do you know the Guarantee Fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer.

Everybody laughs when fatty falls down.

The aim of every artist is to arrest motion, which is life, by artificial means and hold it fixed so that a hundred years later, when a stranger looks at it, it moves again since it is life.

A question is a door and an unopened door is just part of the wall and as long as it's standing it's doing its job.

Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens.

It is not what you have on you, but what you have in you.

Character is the salesperson

Intensity is not the same as intimacy, although we tend to confuse these two words.

I described the pyramid we'd found and waited for him to jump on the bandwagon. Unfortunately he's afraid of wagons. And bands.

Voters decide nothing. Vote counters decide everything!

I had wanted life not to bother me too much, and had succeeded - and how pitiful that was.

I am so bored with seeing stories about a mature man of 65 falling in love with a beautiful girl of 32.