Once I thought that if I just had enough in the bank, if I had enough fame, that it would be all right. But I'm a human being like everyone else. I'm not exempt.

In the land of the skunk the man with half a nose is king!

First off, I am 35 years old, I am divorced, and I live in a van down by the river.

I'm just dandy, I got a bowl of chocolate pudding in my underpants!

I have what doctors call a little bit of a weight problem.

Basically, I only play one character; I just play him at different volumes.

Brothers don't shake hands. Brothers gotta hug.

I want to live fast and die young.

I live in a VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER.

The point is, how do you know the Guarantee Fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer.

Everybody laughs when fatty falls down.

In the Arctic I met some Russian sailors on a submarine and they chorused, "Gordon's alive!"

I write about the things I feel strongly about.

The only exercise I get is on the stage. If I didn't get that, I'd get a little round around the tummy, as much as I eat.

American foreign policy must be more than the management of crisis. It must have a great and guiding goal: to turn this time of American influence into generations of democratic peace.

There is no quality in this world that is not what it is merely by contrast. Nothing exists in itself.

In high school I was the manager of the football team, so being around boys is natural to me!

[The Front Page] is still full of peppy banter as it sends its seedy knights after cheap scoops.

What we need is someone to abolish the House Of Lords, get rid of the Royal Family.

In analysing history do not be too profound, for often the causes are quite superficial.

I'm blessed, because of my faith, that I don't have to worry about the future because I know who holds my future.