Evil is relatively rare. Ignorance is epidemic.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

I guess my biggest problem is that I find it easier to relapse than to carry through.

But no, I don't really like romantic comedies, so I don't really care. I never go see 'em.

People that fel alone or outcast that hurt, kids that feel bullied or lost, remember that you have a voice and you should use that voice to survive and persevere.

Literature, not scripture, sustains the mind and - since there is no other metaphor - also the soul.

If I'm feeling crazy, I'll make some bacon because I'm obsessed with bacon.

I don't think about delivery. I don't think about mechanics. I just think about throwing hard.

He that is not in the warres is not out of danger.

If my life had gone in a different direction - some of the choices you makes when you're in your teens and your early 20s, I fortunately feel that I haven't been marked by those things.

I was poor. When you're poor you work, and when you're rich you expect somebody to hand it to you. So I think being reasonably poor is very good for people.

It is troublesome sometimes when people get up in your face in public, you know? And say, 'How could you, how dare you?' Well, they don't know me.