Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening.

All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.

There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day.

It comes from the likes of you! Take what you can get! Grab the chances as they come along! Act in hallways! Sing in doorways! Dance in cellars!

The two oldest professions in the world — ruined by amateurs.

All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral, or fattening.

I'm tired of hearing it said that democracy doesn't work. Of course it doesn't work. We are supposed to work it.

Many of us spend half of our time wishing for things we could have if we didn't spend half our time wishing.

At 83, George Bernard Shaw's mind was perhaps not quite as good as it used to be, but it was still better than anyone else's.

To all things clergic I am allergic.

A hick town is one where there is no place to go where you shouldn't go.

Be a true romantic. Always ruminate about the true beauty of life.

Trying to run Congress without human relationships is like trying to run a car without motor oil. Should we be surprised when the whole thing freezes up?

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

There are few things more dangerous than a mixture of power, arrogance and incompetence.

I'm reading scripts, desperately wanting to work. I've set a couple of things up for next year

No animal ever has an ugly body until it is domesticated. It is the same with the human body.

Open your mind, allow your feelings to be expressed, to be pushed out, and your heart will neither break nor burst, but be a free-flowing channel of the life energy in your soul.

Never try to have the last word. You might get it.

Reality, if rightly interpreted, is grander than fiction.

Cæsar might have married her [Cleopatra], but he had a wife at home. There's always something.