The two oldest professions in the world — ruined by amateurs.

All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.

There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day.

It comes from the likes of you! Take what you can get! Grab the chances as they come along! Act in hallways! Sing in doorways! Dance in cellars!

All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral, or fattening.

I'm tired of hearing it said that democracy doesn't work. Of course it doesn't work. We are supposed to work it.

Many of us spend half of our time wishing for things we could have if we didn't spend half our time wishing.

At 83, George Bernard Shaw's mind was perhaps not quite as good as it used to be, but it was still better than anyone else's.

To all things clergic I am allergic.

A hick town is one where there is no place to go where you shouldn't go.

One listens to one's lawyer prattle on as long as one can stand it and then signs where indicated.

And they can’t understand, what hurts more— Missing the other person, or pretending not to.

I knew you didn't love me, but I dangerously adored you anyways.

Men's men: be they gentle or simple they're much of a muchness.

Many people have come to Christ as a result of my participation in presenting the Gospel to them. It's all the work of the Holy Spirit.

My calling is to preach the love of God and the forgiveness of God and the fact that he does forgive us.

The church is a sort of hospital for men's souls and as full of quackery as the hospital for their bodies.

All my life I have lied. I lied to escape, I lied to be loved, I lied for placement and power; I lied to lie. It was a way of living; lies are life's almost-anagram.

Unsung, the noblest deed will die.

The mob is easily led and may be moved by the smallest force, so that its agitations have a wonderful resemblance to those of the sea.

I have no skills with machines. I fear them, and because I cannot help attributing human qualities to them, I suspect that they hate me and will kill me if they can.