Even the weather page is in a state of moral decay. What?s wrong with red, white and blue, USA Today? This rainbow weather map is just another example of the homometerological agenda.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

We need to empower the world with the power of love.

It may not seem like much - a few kisses in the dark - but it was enough to burn a hole like an ulcer in my heart.

My method is based on female psychology, so it works regardless of your looks or money

I look forward to working with our leadership team to advance the causes of smaller government, lower taxes, eliminating terrorism, and providing affordable health care, among other issues.

All of my books are about researching. I do all the research and I give it to a writer who can put it in the written word better than I could.

You have to find out who you are aside from what the media say you are. If you've become reliant on them for kind of a sense of self, then you're really screwed.

Life is taking you somewhere, listen to the messages, they will repeat until you follow their call.

There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends.

The experience she gained should be invaluable to her continued growth and contribution to our team. In reality, compared to American players, she would just be finishing her college career.

Revitalizing General Motors is like teaching an elephant to tap dance. You find the sensitive spot and start poking.