England and America should scrap cricket and baseball and come up with a new game that they both can play. Like baseball, for example.

We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

The free-lance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.

You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

There is no such place as Budapest. Perhaps you are thinking of Bucharest, and there is no such place as Bucharest, either.

Grace is the strength of greatness.

Heavenly Father, let there be light in every dark corner.

The art of advertisement, after the American manner, has introduced into all our life such a lavish use of superlatives, that no standard of value whatever is intact.

He who fights and runs away May live to fight another day. But he who is in battle slain Can never rise to fight again.

When we are in love we seem to ourselves quite different from what we were before.

Statisticians tell us that people underestimate the sheer number of coincidences that are bound to happen in a world governed by chance.

Become good at cheating and you never need to become good at anything else.

Be not the first to take up the new, nor the last to cast the old aside.

The water is clearer than the air, and the air is the air that angels breathe.

You feel this pressure that people will take you more seriously if you play guitar, but I've decided I'm a singer and that's enough.