Edgar had a heart attack, and I'm to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

You should not strive for your own personal wealth but for the prosperity of the Kingdom ofGod.

She closed her eyes, and I closed mine, and even though we weren't holding hands, it felt like we were.Because what we had, we knew.

I don't think people are fools, and I think they deserve a good attitude and smart entertainment.

Lord, ye gave me a rare woman, and God! I loved her well.

There are no wise few. Every aristocracy that has ever existed has behaved, in all essential points, exactly like a small mob.

What I like in pictures whether by an old director or a young director is when I have the feeling he or she is really using the capacity of film.

Get inside information from the president and you will probably lose half of your money. If you get it from the chairman of the board, you will lose all of it.

The most treasured asset in investment management is a steady hand at the tiller.

Rumour was the messenger Of defamation, and so swift, that none Could be the first to tell an evil tale.

I've always been a very outdoors sort of girl. I'm more a tomboy than a girly girl.