ELEGY, n. A composition in verse, in which, without employing any of the methods of humor, the writer aims to produce in the reader's mind the dampest kind of dejection.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

What is false about hope?

Tell a story in lesser and simpler words.

You're only a dog old fellow a dog and you've had your day But never a friend of all my friends has been truer than you alway.

I spend a lot of time talking to people who disagree with me - I would go so far as to say that it's my favourite leisure activity.

E-Motion will have a very positive impact on the evolution of human consciousness

Sarah Palin. Remember Sarah Palin? She is adorable. She is back on the campaign trail. Really. She's going to campaign in the Senate runoff in Georgia. As soon as she finds out where Georgia is.

So many of the things we're told by the government simply aren't true.

Sometimes I would like the opportunity to do character-driven comedy and that's really what I was trying to do in Meet The Parents. I think in a way this is a more old fashioned type of comedy.

The Christian truth is attractive and persuasive because it responds to humanity's deepest needs.

Whatsoever your hand finds to do, do it gladly. Because there is no work, love, knowledge, or wisdom in the grave.