Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

The free-lance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.

You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

There is no such place as Budapest. Perhaps you are thinking of Bucharest, and there is no such place as Bucharest, either.

...there is nothing so dangerous in its consequences as injustice to individuals- whether it arise from prejudice of color or from any other source

There are going to be good times and bad times, but lighten up.

You may lose your wife, you may lose your dog, your mother may hate you. None of those things matter. What matters is that you achieve success and become free. Then you can do whatever you like.

I still like doing stand-up now, but it's not the same. It used to be that I was out there with five other comedians. Now I usually just do it alone.

I've got a gut feeling in my stomach. . .

Where do we even start on the daily walk of restoration and awakening? We start where we are.

The older I get, the more I lose my ability to breathe.

I always had a penchant for falling in love. Every time I found myself without a mate, I fell into a state of low-sizzling panic.

Speak about Christ only when you are asked. But live so that people ask about Christ!

Inactivity strikes us as intelligent behavior.