Democrats are like a big tortoise that's on its back and can't get up; you can't make jokes about that.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

If we ask the right questions, we can change the world with the right answers.

Life is too short to be little.

I am proud of the fact that women have been recognised as being as capable, as able to do the senior jobs in Europe as any man.

An army, like a serpent, travels on its belly.

Keeping secrets will always lead to unhappiness and communication is the key to love.

Do not walk through time without leaving worthy evidence of your passage.

Other things may be seized by might, or purchased with money, but knowledge is to be gained only by study, and study to be prosecuted only in retirement.

We all make mistakes, Steele. It’s what we do afterward that defines us more than the actual incident that led to the mistake. (Joe)

I'm not very social when I'm off the promo trail, because I step into wife and mother mode. It's very reclusive.

The past has to be seen to be dead; or the past will kill.