Cynics always say no. Saying yes leads to knowledge. So for as long as you have the strength to, say yes.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

An entrepreneur is not deterred by his lack of perfection, he knows no one else is

There is/no reasoning with need.

The city's all brightnessand shadow, deckle-edged, bluer than air-there's no help anywhere-you no longer know how to listen.

Grades are a subjective rating masquerading as an objective evaluation.

What I'd really like to say about stardom is that it gave me everything I never wanted.

It is only when we are no longer fearful that we begin to create.

"Well, we knew it. Women can't sell movies". That's what it used to be like. "Well, this movie did well, but it's a fluke."

The vilest deeds like poison weeds Bloom well in prison air; It is only what is good in man That wastes and withers there.

I went out with some old friends and we were having fun. A couple of them were very intoxicated. When I went to leave, I refused to let them drive. So when I got pulled over, I was the driver.

The worst thing that can happen for people who don't want women to be strong is that we help each other and become a force.