Comedy is like expensive cheese. Well, it's like cheese, in general. Everybody likes what they like, and everything they don't like, they think is the worst.

I think a lot of people get into stand-up to be the center of attention, which is perfectly legitimate. But I think I got in there to be heard.

You might not agree with something, but it doesn't mean you don't need to listen to it. White people have to accept that they don't always know about racism.

I'm of the opinion that if you step on stage and you're not a straight white male, you're automatically making a political statement whether you know it or not.

It doesn't do any good to just be on the side of black people. The funnier comedic position is to be on the side of oppressed people in general.

I feel like you can share as many jokes as you want to because no joke you do on Twitter is ever gonna be so big on Twitter, for the most part, that you can't say it on stage that same night.

If I could email my jokes to the crowd and get the same immediate response [as during stand-up], I'd do that.

Some things just strike me as funny. The way things play out just makes me laugh sometimes. It drives my wife crazy sometimes because I'll just be laughing for no reason.

I'm a dad, and that's really important to me, and I realize now that I'm a dad that it's a major part of my identity.

You pretty much have to be bad at it [stand-up] for several years to get good at it, so there's no avoiding embarrassing yourself.

I think the need to go on stage speaks to some sort of a profound psychological deficit, but something that happened when you were a kid. Or something your parents did.

Sometimes one waits too long for the perfect moment before snapping the picture. You never realize that you needed was to change perspective.

A guy wants a classy girl who is smart and has goals - someone that he wouldn't be afraid to bring home to his parents.

An individual deficient in the sense of humor represents more of a challenge to our idea of the human than a person of subnormal intelligence

Sing your song; don't let the bastards get you down.

Memory is like fiction; or else it's fiction that's like memory.

Abide in peace, banish cares, take no account of all that happens, and you will serve God according to his good pleasure and rest in him.

It's taken me 15 years to step behind a camera and make something everyone agrees looks like a movie.

I shot a vein in my neck and coughed up a quaalude.

You will get the most attention from those who hate you. No friend, no admirer and no partner will flatter you with as much curiosity.

When you play a real person, you feel a sense of responsibility that obviously you don't feel when you're playing a fictional character.