Can you imagine peaking as a teen? I think if you peak in high school, there's a problem. That's what my sister always said: 'Don't worry, you'll peak later.'

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

It is something to have gazed on the constellated white, felt it running from the eyes and the pores: the salt of love. It is something to have whispered wild thank-yous in the only ways we know how.

For in pure maidens, knowing not the marriage-bed, the glance of the eyes sinks from shame.

There are many kinds of gods. Therefore there are many kinds of men.

I love the theater because the theater is alive. The audience is right there.

Listening to other companies' customers is the best way to gain market share, while listening to the visionaries is the best way to create new markets.

My longing to improve my looks via The Body Shop is being replaced by my longing to improve my looks via Photoshop.

Words are like knives... If you use it the wrong way it transforms into a bad weapon.

Let this great maxim be my virtue's guide,- In part she is to blame that has been tried: He comes too near that comes to be denied.

A bullet from a gun does not make a distinction between practice and combat. You are training to be one and the same way in your life

I think the world is becoming more global. Because of economics, you have to feed the demographics that are buying your product.