CALVIN: When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then I'll come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

That's the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!

Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.

What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?

We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.

When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.

The truth is, most of us discover where we are headed when we arrive.

There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do.

Selling out is usually more a matter of buying in. Sell out, and you’re really buying into someone else’s system of values, rules and rewards.

Make everything an adventure. Otherwise, it will suck.

If we can't turn the world around we can at least bolster the victims.

I won't apologize for ticket prices. I think we're well worth it. We consider ourselves in the elite touring acts, like the Stones, Elton John, Paul McCartney.

I've seen that picture before. It was a two-seamer that didn't sink until it hit the upper deck somewhere.

Life has only gotten better personally for me as I've gotten older. I mean, being young was such a gross waste of time. I was just such a miserable, miserable person.

I feel a frantic desire to free myself. To start all over again and in another way.

Capital formation is shifting from the entrepreneur who invests in the future to the pension trustee who invests in the past.

I'm bleeding, I'm not just making conversation.

The only difference between a rich man and a poor man, is that the poor man suffers uncomfortably, while the rich man suffers comfortably.

I was born in a small clapboard house on an island, but I also have certain privileges that I didn't have when I was on the island. So that dichotomy again is actually really crucial.