Body hair. You know when you're swimming as a kid and you want to crawl on your dad? None of us went anywhere near him. 'My god, a beaver! Everyone out of the pool!

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

It's one of my inventions-a shampoo, " Athena explained. "Anyway, I didn't know it would do"-she gestured toward the snakes-"that.

Better not perceive yourselves too high, O humans.We only value mankind as our experimentation object.

A good husband should always bore his wife.

Home is one's birthplace, ratified by memory.

The best camera, is the one that you have with you!

A useless life is an early death. [Ger., Ein unnutz Leben ist ein fruher Tod.]

The fundamental premise is that neither the United States or the international community is going to allow Iran to develop a nuclear weapon.

I worked a great deal then, as you can only do on a set theme, absolved from the obligation to find a new fact, a new subject every day.

Black lives matter. White lives matter. Asian lives matter. Hispanic lives matter. That's anti-American and it's racist.

All creative work, all life in a sense, is a cri de coeur.