Being poor is like being a child. Being rich is like being an adult: you get to do whatever you want. Everyone is nice when they have to be; rich people are nice when they feel like it.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

My favorite animal is steak.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

The soul without imagination is what an observatory would be without a telescope.

Doubt manifests itself in indecision.

Dance madly as if all of life is meant for dancing and celebrating.

The English woman is so refined She has no bosom and no behind.

Suicide is not a remedy

I'll destroy you. I am the master of disaster.

It often strikes me that the actors in high school movies look too old.

I am not cruel, only truthful.

Whenever conscience commands anything, there is only one thing to fear, and that is fear.

O harp of life, so speedily unstrung!