Babies, they learn how to walk and they are already trying to run away. You can't reach the doorknob, you only know us, think it through.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

Writing is a manual labor of the mind: a job, like laying pipe.

I would give my heart to the religious so that they may realize that god hates us all.

I'm gonna take all my sadness, frustration, anger and energy and channel it into becoming the best possible student.I AM GOING TO BECOME A LEARNING MACHINE.

I lied to hurt you. For letting him be dead while you lived. For being loved by him more than he loved me!He loved you more than he ever loved any of the rest of us!

One, you moved here with your father, which means your a daddy's girl. No girl leaves their mother unless they are.

If God, like a father, denies us what we want now it is in order to give us some far better thing later on. The will of God, we can rest assured, is invariably a better thing.

The better the state is established, the fainter is humanity. To make the individual uncomfortable, that is my task.

Though neglectful of their responsibility to protect science, scientists are increasingly aware of their responsibility to society.

If the Coastal Republic had believed in the existence of virtue, it could at least have aspired to hypocrisy.

The legal tender quality [of money] is only valuable for the purposes of dishonesty.