At dramatic rehearsals, the only author that's better than an absent one is a dead one.

I like terra firma; the more firma, the less terra.

God finally caught his eye.

Office hours are from 12 to 1 with an hour off for lunch.

You've heard of people living in a fool's paradise? Well, Leonora has a duplex there.

There was laughter in the back of the theater, leading to the belief that someone was telling jokes back there.

You can't fool me. There ain't no Sanity Clause!

The kind of doctor I want is one who when he's not examining me is home studying medicine.

Satire is what closes Saturday night.

When I was born I owed twelve dollars.

Satire is what closes on Saturday night.

Knowing it does not compare with loving it

To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life.

To be remembered, umbrella waits for the rain!

If it makes you cry, it goes in the show.

Everyone will experience the consequences of his own acts. If his acts are right, he'll get good consequences; if they're not, he'll suffer for it.

To be born in Kentucky is a heritage; to brag about it is a habit; to appreciate it is a virtue.

I am a hooker with a heart of gold.

The only security of all is in a free press.

As I have said so often before, the long memory is the most radical idea in America...

In love we do not think of moral qualities, and scarcely of intellectual ones. Temperament and manner alone, with beauty, excite love.