Are you a devious, plotting, unreliable madman? Ah, good, then you can be my most trusted advisor.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

But nowhere in the file had anyone said, “Oh, and by the way, he runs like a gazelle with an espresso addiction.” At least not in the parts I’d skimmed.

Stay safe. I want to see you again when all this is done.

Sing a song correctly and you live forever.

I accept that people are going to call me awful things every day, and I will always defend their right to do so.

Trust me, there is no formula for most things that are not math.

Brother, if you would enter that Province, you must go forward on your knees.

If God has given His Son to die for us, let us beware of doubting His kindness and love in any painful providence of our daily life.

To reason, to argue. It is to walk with crutches in search of the truth. We come to it with a leap.

The only thing that works with writing is that you care so passionately about it yourself, that you make someone else care passionately about it.

People are like ants: Just a few of them give all the orders. And most of them spend their lives getting squashed.